1. |
You're Not Watching
03:29
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They don’t write love songs for the lonely
It’s always ‘the one’ never ‘hold me’
They never say what happened
If you’re not happy in the end
They won’t write pretty things about me
It’s either anger or they’ll doubt me
They never hang around to see
If I drowned or got set free
And it’s not the same if you’re not watching
I’ve got a point to make, and I’ve come knocking
On every goddamn door that ever slammed in my face
Yeah, I’ve got some scores to settle, and I’m sick of being gentle
And it’s not the same if you’re not watching
I was soft once, but it bored me
Cause every knock, well it floored me
I don’t mourn, I paid the price
There’s nothing easy about being nice
And it’s not the same if you’re not watching
I’ve got a point to make, and I’ve come knocking
On every goddamn door that ever slammed in my face
Yeah, I’ve got some scores to settle, and I’m sick of being gentle
And it’s not the same if you’re not watching
So watch me, cause it’s not the same
No, it’s not the same if you’re not watching
And wondering, and discussing
So keep watching
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2. |
Bad News
03:40
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I am a moth and you’re the flame
You are my favourite kind of pain
And I am allergic to leaving things alone
I know it’s not worth it but I still pick up the phone
Cause I am Eve and you’re a snake
I shouldn’t be aching for a taste
But I sink my teeth in time and again
Trade in heaven for your original sin
Cause, ooh
You could bet the devil and he’d lose
The addiction that I didn’t choose
You, you’re bad news, bad, bad news
But, hey
If you charged for romance I would pay
If it meant I didn’t have to play
All these games you’re driving me insane
But, hey
You’re bad, bad news
Some type of magic, you’re the pyre
Can’t you see you’re setting me on fire
Know it’s all illusion, but you’re in control
You cut me to pieces and you swallow me whole
And maybe it was a mistake
Don’t know how much I can take
I didn’t know anything could
Tear me apart but feel so good
Cause, ooh
You could bet the devil and he’d lose
The addiction that I didn’t choose
You, you’re bad news, bad, bad news
But, hey
If you charged for romance I would pay
If it meant I didn’t have to play
All these games you’re driving me insane
But hey
You’re bad, bad news
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3. |
Gunshot
02:54
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I heard a gunshot outside my window
I thought I loved you but now I don’t know
I thought my words had all dried out
I heard a gunshot and pictured your mouth
And the way you can say anything
And make it feel like a kiss or a wound
Time will keep me restless and wandering
But it’ll get the best of you
I heard the stories, my eyes were open
I thought you were god but I stopped hoping
You stole the things I could never say
I heard the stories but worshipped anyway
And I hope one day the tide starts turning
I hope you’re punished for all you did
Time will make martyrs of the deserving
And I hope it shares everything you hid
I heard a gunshot outside my window
I thought I loved you, but now I don’t know
I thought my words had all dried out
I heard a gunshot but pictured your mouth
I heard a gunshot but pictured your mouth
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4. |
To Be Wanted
04:20
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Everyone said we were perfect
So why don’t we give it a try
So I went and stood by your front door
But you never let me inside
Everyone told me your story
That your hand would fit right in mine
But every time I would smile at you
You would turn your gaze aside
All I wanted was to
Be wanted by someone like you
All I wanted was a minute of your time
All I dreamed of was
To someday be dreamed of cause
If I’m not wanted then what will I leave behind
If I’m not yours then what on Earth is mine
The rooms are quiet without you
Some days I don’t open the blind
I look in the mirror but shudder
Over the years I left behind
I wait by the letterbox daily
Though you never did change your mind
The thousand pleas that I wrote you
Must have not made it in time
All I wanted was to
Be wanted by someone like you
All I wanted was a minute of your time
All I dreamed of was
To someday be dreamed of cause
If I’m not wanted then what will I leave behind
If I’m not yours then what on Earth is mine
Everyone said we were perfect
I tried every damn day of my life
For a wink, or a whisper from you
The silence still cuts like a knife
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5. |
Your Way
02:58
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I needed you for the longest time
For the life of me, I couldn’t tell you why
Every match I was on your side
But I lost the will to fight
People don’t change, I know you, I know your way
It’s too cold now, I’m too old now to stay
I’m hoisting the flag, I admit defeat
Fought through good and bad but I don’t think I can make you happy
Nothing wrong with that, it’s bittersweet
I held it all in till I started falling but now I think that I’ve found my feet
I needed you for the longest time
For the life of me, I couldn’t tell you why
Every match I was on your side
But I lost the will to fight
People don’t change, I know you, I know your way
It’s too cold now, I’m too old now to stay
You keep spilling words, they’re falling at my feet
Rising under my chin until I feel that I can’t breathe
Yes you’re always right, yes you know best
I held it all in but that shit gets boring and now I think I need a rest
I needed you for the longest time
For the life of me, I couldn’t tell you why
Every match I was on your side
But I lost the will to fight
People don’t change, I know you, I know your way
It’s too cold now, I’m too old now to stay
I needed you for the longest time
But it doesn’t sting to say goodbye
Always there, always on your side
But you never made it on to mine
People don’t change, I know you, I know your way
It’s too cold now, I’m too old now to stay
So take a bow, I’ll get out of your way
I’m so done now, it’s no fun now to stay
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6. |
Love Slow
04:23
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I always dive deep, dig my heels in
Say that I want danger, so I want him
Run fast, like I’m being chased
Or maybe if I stop I’ll realise my mistake
I’m always spinning, dancing on a string
Walking on the tightrope in between
The thrill of it all and then pain when it ends
How many heartbreaks before it never mends
I gotta learn to love slow, to make mistakes and let ‘em go
To be less familiar with rising from the ash
I gotta learn to see it through, to treat you how I promised to
To see eye to eye instead of sleeping back to back
And if you wait with me while I do
I’ll learn to love slow with you
Bared teeth, learned to fight
After a thousand times not being treated right
Claws came out, earned my stripes
So forgive me if I thought you weren’t my type
I’m always yearning, begging for someone
To throw me the smallest scrap of their love
Till you came along, handed over your plate
Sated me with that soft look on your face
I gotta learn to love slow, to make mistakes and let ‘em go
To be less familiar with rising from the ash
I gotta learn to see it through, to treat you how I promised to
To see eye to eye instead of sleeping back to back
And if you wait with me while I do
I’ll learn to love slow with you
Dive deep, dig my heels in
I fight the same these days but sometimes I give in
Run fast, but you know to wait
For me to run back and say I’ve made a mistake
I gotta learn to love slow, to make mistakes and let ‘em go
To be less familiar with rising from the ash
I gotta learn to see it through, to treat you how I promised to
To see eye to eye instead of sleeping back to back
And if you wait with me while I do
Please wait with me while I do
And if you wait with me while I do
I’ll learn to love slow with you
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7. |
Happy For Me
03:54
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You told me it’d be easy for me to move on
But you told me that you were the only one
Who’d ever treat me, the way you treat me
Wish I’d known just how right that was
Years and years and oceans away
Unravelling what I wanted to say
And you? You’ll find another ingenue
To distract you from whatever you’re going through
Hope it stings just a little
Don’t hope you’re broken, but I hope you’re brittle
It’ll burn going down that I made it out somehow
Not happy for your misery
But god I’m happy for me
The hardest part of leaving is staying gone
But lucky you wasted no time in moving on
You were so happy, ask anybody
But you never stayed happy for long
We soar, we cry, we get up each day
It’s worth the fight to live this way
And you? You’ll find another ingenue
To distract you from whatever you’re going through
Hope it stings just a little
Don’t hope you’re broken, but I hope you’re brittle
It’ll burn going down that I made it out somehow
Not happy for your misery
But god I’m happy for me
Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry for you
You won’t feel sorry cause you never had to
Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry for you
And all the girls you’ll cycle through
Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry for you
You won’t feel sorry cause you never had to
Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry for you
And all the girls you’ll cycle through
Hope it stings just a little
Don’t hope you’re broken, but I hope you’re brittle
It’ll burn going down that I made it out somehow
Not happy for your misery
No, no, no, no
But I hope it stings just a little
Don’t hope you’re broken, but I hope you’re brittle
It’ll burn going down that I made it out somehow
Not happy for your misery
But god I’m happy for me
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8. |
Enough
03:39
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If this is it, then this is it
I’m not going to beg you to stay
If you want to leave then the door is open
If you want to run, I’m too tired to chase
You know where to find me
I’m right where I’ve always been
You can change your mind
But I won’t be checking in
I’ll be looking forward, looking in
Look past the past into what might begin
I’ll be falling down, dusting myself off
Not always standing strong
But still standing is enough
If, to my devastation, I never get that invitation
Even though I swore that I would
And don’t get all of it, well thank god I saw part of it
I did everything that I could
No, I didn’t have it hardest
But that doesn’t mean it was fun
I won’t bemoan my battles
Coz look what they’ve become
I’ll be looking forward, looking in
Look past the past into what might begin
I’ll be falling down, dusting myself off
Not always standing strong
But still standing is enough
Just keep looking forward, looking in
Look past the past into what might begin
Keep on falling down, dusting yourself off
Not always standing strong
But still standing is enough
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Ilana Charnelle Melbourne, Australia
Inspired by jazz-era chanteuses, infused with modern sensibilities.
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